My apologies in advance if you don't have kids, or if you do but they don't have any sleep issues.... you most likely will find this post a snooze fest.
A constant reading companion of mine is Dr. Ferber's
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems book... it talks about how anxiety is common at night and a frequent source of bedtime struggles. While most kids can control anxiety during the day thanks to distractions and activity, at night they may begin to worry while waiting for sleep to come.
The ability to control one's thoughts and feelings diminishes as one gets sleepy, and because of this children often regress at night. Thus a 5 yr old at night may need the reassurance that a 3 yr old would during the day. At night, the child gives up what little control she has over her world. Anxiety is very common at this age, even for a child who goes off to school very confidently.
A few things we've done that have seemed to have helped have been to move her bedtime back a little bit. She was taking a very long time to fall asleep, and she doesn't need as much sleep at 3 as she did at 2 so I don't think there is any harm in that. Cori still naps most days for about 2 hrs; the average 3 yr old needs a total of 11 hrs of sleep a day. With a 2 hr nap, that would mean 9 hrs at night. Since Cori wakes at 7 AM usually, her bedtime should be around 10. But I feel that is way too late, so now were doing a 9 PM bedtime and she is usually asleep by 9:30.
Unfortunately one thing we also did (that is causing the most problems) is that we removed the baby gate from her door way. She figured out how to open it, so we just took it down. Cori has a hard time staying in her room every so often; for a while, she was coming into our room frequently and asking what we were doing or laying down on our floor at 4 AM (unknown to us!) and going to sleep. We didn't put up another gate but I think we'll have to. An interesting passage from Ferber is below:
The cornerstone of setting limits at night is ensuring that the child stays in the room where she should be sleeping. If she doesn't, you can't enforce any rules. Now who is in control? To enforce rules, you have to use a barrier such as a gate or a door. Threats and punishments are counterproductive; a young child shouldn't be punished for lack of self-control at night, when self-control is hardest. The temptation to leave is just too strong. There is still a bit of a "power struggle" between Cori and myself. If I do not go right to bed, she throws a tantrum. And by tantrum, I mean full out screaming at top of lungs, flailing, etc. She doesn't act that way with Dave, but yet she insists on having me put her to bed. So I'm often held hostage to her demands and having to go right to my room until she falls asleep and I can sneak down. To keep the peace (esp with Ben sleeping) I've done so, but it drives me batty. I'd like to be able to do what I need to do without her freaking out. Unfortunately no amount of explaining makes it better for her. She doesn't care that I'm doing boring chores or anything - she just wants me up in my room asleep. Again - she is just trying to control the situation. I have to decide if I want to do what I need to do outside of my room (causing her to scream and wake her brother and to delay her own bedtime a long time with her tantrum) or just give in and do things in my room at that time.
We've struggled with limit setting in regards to sleep, and we've been inconsistent at times. I think this has made the problem more complex. We're unraveling it as best as we can, and praying we figure it all out before Ben gets into this phase. At least I know the upcoming 4 month sleep regression that is headed our way won't last forever.
Now, does anyone have any good recommendations for a baby gate that toddlers can't open??
This adorable outfit is a hand-me-down from sweet Connor. Ben is my little rock lobster!
Cori is spending tonight at her Um-ma's house. Daddy's joy at a "free" night may not be all that obvious:
Having fun with the camera:
Cori has been sleeping really well since my prior post about her sleep. We got a new gate that she can't open and aside from a usual waking once a night to ask for more to drink (the girl is the opposite of a camel... what IS opposite of a camel by the way??) she doesn't cry or fuss. And sometimes she just sleeps straight through. So crisis averted for now!
