Closing out 2006

We hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas! It's been a hectic few weeks since our last post. Christmas went by in a bit of a fantastic blur - lots of family and visiting and a ton of food! As you can see from the picture, the tree that we cut down survived and was decorated. Zoe even left the tree alone!! Dave and I spent Christmas eve with his mom's family; on Christmas morning we exchanged gifts (I got a beautiful diamond necklace and a nice raincoat - Dave loved his iPod roadtrip and his snazzy new watch). After we exchanged gifts, we went to my mom's for breakfast and then to my brother's home to spend the day with everyone. What a great time! Watching the kids open gifts really makes the day memorable. Later my dad came over and we celebrated some more. It was really just fantastic (and the limited travel was one of the best things about the holiday!)

Today we were with Dave's dad's family all day - another great time spent visiting with family in from out of state, and we had tur-duck-in for dinner. Have you heard of this - a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey.... oh, and there is spicy sausage between all the layers.... a meat-lover's dream. I tried some and it was okay; Dave loved it of course! The picture here is of my father-in-law and Dave's step-brother in law Rich getting ready to carve the tur-duck-in... with much anticipation!

2007 looks to bring a lot of hope and wonderful things. We have a few friends and family who are expecting babies (and a sweet little girl from Russia!) and that will be so wonderful! And we hope of course to be joining them. Without getting into too much detail (we'd just like to generalize for now) we'll be starting the IVF process in the first half of 2007. There is a lot of testing to be done, and a lot of medication, and then of course a lot of praying and hoping. (I'd like to take this moment in advance to say please be kind when you see me as no doubt I will be gaining a few or 10 pounds or so from all the medication and bloating as a side effect!!) We feel everyone's love and support, and it means the world to us. We truly have the best family and friends!!!

We're having a few people over for New Year's Eve to usher out the old year and welcome in the new. We pray that you all are healthy, happy, and experience abundant joy in all things great and small. Wishing you peace and prosperity and a happy new year!

Love,
Beth & Dave

P.S. Wishing my beloved brother David Jon a very happy 31st birthday on Dec 31st! I love you bro!

Christmas Outing

It's 2 weeks until Christmas eve!! Today we took my niece and nephew along with my mom and Kelly to look at a huge Christmas display in northwest PA; Dave used to go here yearly when he was little, and it is a tradition of ours to go each year. The kids loved it, an we even bumped into Dave's step-brother Mark and their family. A great unexpected surprise!



Afterwards we went to cut down our Christmas tree. A tractor took us out into the field and we picked out our tree. Dave cut it down, and Nate helped push it over and yelled "Timber!!" Since we're off tomorrow, we plan to decorate it then (it's been a long day today) and do the last step for the bathroom (caulking) - you knew I couldn't not mention the bathroom! But it's done!!! It looks great - is just a little cold because we aren't having the heater hooked up until Friday morning.


We met with our friends for our anunal Christmas holiday dinner. This year it was at PF Changs and was fantastic! So weird to think that last year, no one was pregnant or had kids, and this year, Hunter was with us as well as Jen & Angie being pregnant. Time goes by quickly. Christmas will be here before we realize it!

You've Come a Long Way Baby!

As you can see from the picture, the bathroom is progressing nicely! We have the tile floor fully installed, the shower ready to go, the walls painted and the door up and stained. The major stuff left to do are just installation of the sink and toilet and baseboard heater. We do have a few minor things like hardware installation (mirror, towel bars) and putting up the baseboard, but we're in the home stretch!

We've continue to get good news after hearing about Dave's promotion. We found out my mom got a big promotion as well! Three of my friends are about to leave their 1st trimester (go Bethanie, Angie and Jen!!) and we also had a family member get confirmation of her pregnancy after hearing her baby's heartbeat! My friend's husband Joe is stable and getting ready for his bone marrow transplant, so like I said - good news all around!

We've been busy since my last post, which is partly why it's been so long since my last post. Lot of things going on with us, and getting ready for the holidays is just part of that. We've decorated everything and the lights are up - this coming weekend we'll get our tree. This year we're taking my niece and nephew with us to Kraynak's to see the Christmas tree light display like Dave always did when he was little. It's a tradition Dave and I have kept going (which makes sense since he is a big kid!) and we're excited to share it with some kids this year.

After Thanksgiving we helped Dave's cousin move into their new home. They built their home with Ryan and gave us some insight about the process and costs. We're fairly sure we'll be building when we move in 3 years, so it's been fun to look at various floor plans and builders and dream about what we'd like. And since those houses go up so fast, it never hurts to know what you like or want ahead of time! One of my favorites is here, and the floor plan can be seen at http://www.heartlandhomesonline.com/images/floorplans/Providence%20Floorplans-Website.pdf 3300 sq ft may be a little big, but we're hoping to grow into it! And Dave is insistent on a side-entry garage, so we'll have a lot of windows!

I've been doing some knitting here and there - not as much as I'd like, but things have just been busy. I try to get together with a friend every other Saturday for a few hours - we knit at Starbucks and just chat and enjoy. It's nice. I'm learning but not really challenging myself with new skills - just trying to enjoy the journey.

So things are really well here! Could only be better if we were pregnant... Speaking of which, next week is our IVF consult where the doctor will tell us when we'll begin that. I foresee a lot of needles in my future - please pray for Mr. NeedlePhobe (my husband) as well as the HumanPinCushion-to be (me). This will be a whole new round of fun. Of course, we'll keep you posted on funny stories as they develop.

Stay warm everyone! And happy December!

Giving Thanks

So much to be thankful for this year! Yesterday we found out that Dave was offered the supervisor promotion at his office, and he has accepted! He wasn't given an exact start date, but it will most likely be in December. I am so proud of him!!

We're spending Thanksgiving afternoon at David & Kelly's house and then heading over to Brandon & Carol's home in the evening. I am really looking forward to not having to cut time with family short. Instead, we're going to see my Dad and Jane on Saturday for lunch and then Bob & Kathy Saturday evening. The next few days are going to be busy with the bar tour, Thanksgiving, helping Jeremy & Jill move into their new home, and then seeing our dads. Sunday I am getting my hair cut - unfortunately at 1:00 when we play the Ravens, but at least the traffic should be minimal.

Anyway, just wanted to say that we are both so thankful for all our blessings, and most of all, for the love and support of our family and friends! Let the holiday season begin!!! Happy Thanksgiving all!

I think I'm addicted

To knitting....Yesterday I met with two friends who are avid knitters. Anna was kind enough to show me through a local store where your imagination could just go wild (and your budget broke if not careful!). There were so many different kinds of yarn - soft silks and cashmere blends. Warmer wools and ribbon weaves. And the colors! It was both overwhelming and inspiring! I already have a few ideas of things I want to progress to and make. For now, I am starting off with your basic wool blend scarf in three colors of blue-greens that remind me of the ocean in Mexico where we spent our honeymoon.

After I selected my skeins, Anna and I went to Starbucks where we met with our friend Lisa and Anna taught me how to knit. I love the repetitive motion of it all - it is soothing and calming. And it is just darn amazing to see something actually coming of it! I thought that my project would look like a crooked lump of material full of holes, but it actually resembles a scarf! Granted, I think I've only done about three inches, but I don't care! It makes me want to do it more and more.

Anna reminded me how knitting isn't totally about the finished product - it's about the journey, the process. That's a life lesson in which I could use some refresher courses. I'm addicted!

Hello Out There....

It's been a while, but I wish it was because we've been living this uber exciting life and I've just not had the time to update. Alas, it's because we've just been going with the flow and haven't had a whole lot to say. So what compelled me to finally write today? Well, I came home from work and went downstairs to see my father in law. It's Wednesday and he typically works on the bathroom on Wednesdays. We have walls! And the shower is in! Hurray! Here are a few pics of the progress. It was hard to tell what the room would like like with just the studding up; now with walls, you really get a sense of what it is going to look like. And Zoe seems already intrigued with the shower...

Some other things that have been going on:

• Dave's back was really hurting. X-rays showed that he had arthritis, which at the tender age of only 37, really got him down. The doctor recommended an anti-inflammatory and physical therapy. Sunday he woke up in such pain that he couldn't really function most of the day. Well, he went to PT on Monday they showed that Dave's hips were wayyyy out of alignment. Apparently his left leg is about 3/4 an inch shorter than his right leg, and it was pushing his hips out of position, irritating his back. While it's normal for one leg to be shorter than the other, most of us only have 1/4" difference. So they recommended a lift for his shoes - especially for running, but most likely for every day wear. Just thinking of how he was pounding on his legs and hips with the marathon and training.... wow. It's amazing that the pain didn't show up sooner! So now my dear husband no longer feels like a 37 yr old trapped in the body of a 77 yr old...
  
• No word yet on Dave's promotion. His boss did tell him that he made the final 3 - excellent news, and I'm quite proud of him! 45 people applied for this position. Hopefully we'll know something by Thanksgiving.
  
• Speaking of which - only 14 days until the 2006 New Sewickley Bar Tour!! Considering that I'm not expecting (as in something more than getting tipsy that night), I can drink yet again this year, but not too much as designated driver for my car. I just hope it doesn't snow this year - last year was crazy with the snow!
  
• Actually, I should be able to drink throughout the entire holiday season. We're taking a little break from trying to conceive until January. It was hard for me at first - it felt like taking a step backwards instead of a rest. And as you know, I just like to go and go and go. But I know that my body is up for some tough times ahead, so I figure I am going to drink my Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes and my merlot while I can. Just enjoy the holidays and hit it hard in January.
  
• I've decided to take up knitting, or at least to try. A few friends have volunteered to teach me this weekend and next. I'm looking for a creative outlet and since I can't afford a piano or violin to pick that back up, I'm branching out to try something new. I hear that knitting also develops patience. Interesting....
  
• Have you seen this web site? www.theburghblog.com is awesome! Her commentary on Pittsburgh is really funny! I now read it daily.

Well, that's about it. Hope everyone is doing great!

Oh, those three little words....

Three little words. Yet a whole world of possibilities. These three words have brought hope to the hopeless, miracles to every people, and blessings into lives. What are those three little words?

In vitro Fertilization

Yesterday we found out that my company will be offering coverage for infertility starting in 2007. This news was a shock, and the word "happy" doesn't convey how we felt to learn this. Due to the rising health care costs, most companies do not offer riders for infertility coverage. I guess we'll just thank our lucky stars that my work is thinking outside that box. We found out that we'll be covered at 90% for 4 IUIs (inter-uterine inseminations) and 2 IVF attempts.

Right now, we've been paying out of pocket for the IUIs - and doing them on a very low medicated level because the stronger meds aren't covered under our current insurance. But come January, all that will change. We'll be able to move to the stronger meds and not have to pay for the insemination. And if we want to go straight to IVF, we can do that too.

We've been told that our chances of getting pregnant with the IUI are still only 20%. But with the IVF, they jump up to 55%. Unfortunately, IVF is hard on your body as well as emotionally. But we are willing to try it if it means that we can have our baby. We know it will all be worth it in the end.

Project Bathroom: 2006

God bless my husband who spent the majority of his vacation week working on constructing our basement bathroom. And God bless my father in law, who is patiently guiding my husband in the bathroom construction.

I came home Tuesday to 2 of the 4 walls framed. We finished the third wall that night. Wednesday I found myself driving a little faster than ususal (which is ususally fast as it is!) to get home and see what else had been done. The fourth wall was added and some electrical lines run as well as preparing to run the plumbing. Who knows what I may find when I go home today! But it feels so good to finally have this project underway since we'd been talking about it for so long.

We had to pick out some wall lights and a mirror the other night and figure out what is going where. It's hard becuase we don't have a lot of room above the sink, nor a lot of ceiling height which eliminates putting in a light in the ceiling. I'm trying to think of what color we'll do the bathroom when the drywall is put up. I find myself going to Lowes on my lunch hours to check out tile and faucets and shower heads. If I could totally max out a credit card, it would be at Lowes. Or Ann Taylor or PotteryBarn, but that won't get me far with bathroom remodeling!

Oh - before I forget, please send any extra prayers / vibes to Dave for his interview on Tuesday next week. This is for a supervisor position in his office, which he really deserves! We'll be sure to let everyone know how it goes, but that won't be until about Thanksgiving, knowing how slow the government moves!

Thoughts on parenting

While what I am about to say is probably obvious to most parents... holy cow are kids hard work! I say that with great love and admiration for parents. This past weekend Dave and I watched our niece who is 1 and nephew who is 5. And they are angels - really they are. They make it easy for us, but even "easy" was "hard" for two unsuspecting adults!

Friday we watched them so my brother and Kelly could go out for a night on the town. When they came home at the end of the evening, more than just the kids were asleep! Dave and I had passed out in the living room. These kids are so well behaved, but they need constant stimulation and attention (as any kids would). I think most of all, I was surprised at how hard it was with both of them. Individually, we're cool as cucumbers. But together, each left for us to figure out why Kadence wouldn't go to sleep, or if Nate had to eat veggies (or just only if he wanted to) -it was obvious that we are lacking in the parental skill department. I think I am disappointed in myself - that I went through the night doubting what I was doing. That it just didn't come as natural to someone who considers herself a nurturer. I guess the important part is that we made it through and the kids were fine. Heck, they might have even had fun!

Saturday we took the kids to Trax Farms for hay rides and to pick pumpkins. They were great but the crowds started getting to me by the end of the day. There were people everywhere and I just felt so confined. I learned that I have a long way to go in the patience department.

I think overall, it just makes me worry that I'm not going to be a good parent. I am hoping that my theory of "being pregnant for 9 months allows one time to adjust and ease into not putting yourself first / growing patience" is true... I'm eager to find out, but honestly, I can admit that now I am a little scared. If this is how I feel with "good" kids, what happens when my kids are screaming at the top of their lungs and I am sleep deprived? Oh, what a roller coaster it will be!

Hunter Pierce Mayer

I'd like to introduce my newest "nephew" - Hunter Pierce was born on Monday, October 9th at 6:04 AM. He weighted 6 lbs, 12 oz and was 17.5 inches long. Heather, Frank, and baby Mayer are all doing great and resting at West Penn.

We stopped by to see them yesterday and I just can't get over how small he is! He turns beet red when he cries which is amazing to see so quickly, but he seems to just be taking it all in. They should be released on Thursday and then the fun begins! God bless the Mayer family!

Hair & The Hyeholde

No, this post isn't the name of a new best selling novel at Barnes & Noble... Just an update post-anniversary. Our anniversary day was really great. We went to 7-Springs autumn-fest for lunch and to view the beautiful fall foliage. Unfortunately, the weather wasn't nearly as nice as it was back in Pittsburgh. But we still had a great time!


When we came home, Dave had arranged for a special delivery of flowers for me. They were beautiful! We proceeded to get dressed and went out to dinner at the Hyeholde Restaurant in Coraopolis. It is a historic landmark and quite a beautiful place. Dinner was excellent!

Thank you to everyone who sent us cards and emails for our anniversary! It was very thoughtful and we enjoyed remembering the day with you. A few of you have asked about my short hair cut. Pictures are here for you - thus, the "hair" portion of this update.

1st Wedding Anniversary

It was 52 weeks ago today that Dave and I were married. While tomorrow, 10/7, is our date anniversary, I woke up this morning flooded with memories about from a year ago.

I remembered how I went to Sunnyledge with Angie and Molly the night before and we all slept in the big bed there. But I couldn't sleep, so I woke Angie up at 5 AM and we decided to have a pillow fight with Molly. It was so wonderful to giggle and anticipate the biggest day of my life with my friends!

We then went back to our house and had breakfast with my mom and all my bridesmaids, then gathered up everything (which was a lot!!!) and headed back to Sunnyledge to start to get ready. Honestly, this is one of my favorite moments of the day. Being with my four best friends and my mom before the wedding was relaxing and fun and just plain pampering. We had our hair done, our make up done, and a nice leisurely lunch before getting dressed. We took a ton of pictures and the anticipation was just building and building and I just was so excited to see Dave very soon!

Seeing Dave prior to the ceremony was one of the best decisions of the day. I instantly felt less nervous and we could share in the happy anticipation of being married in a few hours. I had told our photographer that I wanted him to capture the moment Dave saw me for the first time. So I stood on the stairs and waited for Dave to round the corner to see his bride... and wow did he look handsome! Though the professional photographer captured the moment, the best picture was from my bridesmaid Heather. I think it just shows the emotion better.

And let me take this moment to say that we had the absolute best looking wedding party I've ever seen. Everyone looked so glamorous and ready for a good time! After we finished pictures and arrived at Heinz Chapel, I started to get nervous again. I could hear the organ music and see the chapel being set up and it started to get very real for me. Not having Dave there, I got a bit on edge. Thank God for my bridesmaids and mom - they kept me sane and as calm as can be. And while I forced them to scrub the mud out of my dress hem, they took it all in stride and seemed to understand that the nerves were just getting to me and that I wasn't a bride on the brink of sanity....

Preparing to walk down the aisle, the music just gave me chills. I was so happy my dad was there next to me to give me away. I just felt so emotional from the organ music and my nerves and the excitement / anticipation of what was about to be! When those doors flew open and I heard the trumpets sound, I felt like a princess! I was so shocked that I didn't cry down the aisle (coming from someone who cries at certain commercials), but all I could think of was getting to Dave at the end of the aisle.

The ceremony went off fine and had some great moments that we remember - primarily the homily where Pastor Brian (Dave's cousin) talked about us having sex that evening! Yelling "bouquet!!" to my maid of honor, laughing at the ring exchange, hearing our family do our readings and sing the Ave Maria. But we both recall looking out into the chapel and seeing so many people that we love there to witness the beginning of our marriage. Words can't do justice to how it felt in our hearts.

Our reception flew by! It was short to begin with (only 4 hours) but we didn't want to keep guests up very late since we were already having an evening ceremony. Mark and Angela's toasts were heartfelt and humorous and set the bar high for their own ceremonies the following year. We got to see just about everyone at the reception, and even snuck in a few dances together. We really did enjoy ourselves! If only receptions weren't so darn expensive, we'd have a party like that once a year! The night was amazing overall and we have the video to prove it! (the reception people! Not the wedding night at Sunnyledge!!) It was the perfect start to a fantastic year together.

Before finishing, I just want to wrap up my thoughts with saying what an amazingly wonderful man I married. Dave is so loving and patient to me always. And sometimes we just laugh and laugh over the silliest things, but I think it is just another way that our hearts are in sync. This past year has brought us some struggles as well as joys, but through it all, I've never been afraid because I have my better half next to me always. I can only hope to love him and support him as well as he's done for me. I know the future will be wonderful for us, and I thank God daily for our shared blessings.

Tomorrow we're spending our first anniversary going to 7-Springs to hike and go horse-back riding. Some wine, a nice lunch, and just enjoying the fall leaves with my amazing husband will make for the perfect day. And he has some thing up his sleeve for a fancy dinner, but he won't tell me where. I'll have to report back!

Finally, I have a few friends whose first anniversary is this weekend or next weekend. I wanted to wish Jessica & Robert, Suzi & Greg, and Michelle & Hank a very happy 1st wedding anniversary! Can you believe what a year it's been!?!
XO
Beth

Merlin 3/7/97 - 10/3/06

Yesterday our dog Merlin unexpectedly crossed the Rainbow Bridge to Heaven. Merlin, or Merls as we often called him, was 9. They were nine wonderful years that ended too suddenly. There was no time to prepare - mentally or emotionally - but it was the most humane decision we could do for him.

Merlin had recently had trouble walking; the past week, he'd walk a few steps, then have to lay down. Then he could walk a few more. He seemed fine outwardly, but an x-ray showed that inside, he was in a lot of pain. He had a large tumor in his front leg and cancer had detoriated his upper leg bone to almost nothing. We could have tried to amputate his leg, and then use chemotherapy, but the vet couldn't promise that he'd live for much longer, and his pain would still be intense.

Unfortunately, I wasn't with Merlin at the appointment. Dave was able to leave work early and go with my mom to help her load him into the car. I'll always feel guilty about not being there to say good-bye to him, and I hope Merlin understands. The last time I saw Merlin was 2 weeks ago when we went to help my mom with a few things around the house. Mom and I gave Merlin a bath (which he loved) and after we were done washing him, he'd run around outside so excited and happy. I never would have thought that he had terminal bone cancer in his leg; he certainly didn't seem like he was dying. Sure, he'd slowed down over the years, but I didn't think I'd have to say good-bye so soon.

I was there the day we picked up Merlin from the breeder's home. It was summer and he was 3 months old. I held him the whole way home; he was so excited (or maybe he was scared) that he got sick in the car. But once we got him into our big back yard to play, he was all energy!
The picture to the side is from the day we brought him home. He was so small he would play inside a plastic sweater box - one of the small ones you slide under your bed. We had little idea that he'd grow into our 100 lb joy.

Merlin loved people, and he was such a good dog. When I'd pull up to the house, he'd always be at the door with his tail wagging. If he wasn't at the door, he was laying on the back porch and would run up to me to greet me. I'd always give him a treat when we went inside, and if I forgot, he'd sit in the kitchen and look up on top of the fridge where we kept the treats until I remembered to give him a biscuit. Merls loved to run outside, and he'd run sideways through the hedges so that they'd scratch his body. Back and forth he'd go getting his free scratches. He was a really smart dog.

He knew many commands, and over the years, we found we could play a trick on him by saying "You stink!" and he'd bark like we said "Speak!". He knew when he made us laugh because he'd get that special gleam in his eyes and do it again. He would often lay in front of the TV when you were watching it so that you'd be looking at him, and him at you, while you were catching the program on the TV. In the summer he'd love to lay in his baby pool with water. He'd always circle three times before laying down to cool off. In fall, he'd steal the mini pumpkins off of my mom's porch and run with them in his mouth to make you chase him. And in winter, he'd put his nose in the snow and run along, pushing snow up into the air and running through it.

He was a beautiful dog. His fur was the color of a Hershey's chocolate bar, and he had the absolute softest ears. His "velvet ears" we'd call them. Over the years he started to get grey under his chin. He was getting older, and he certainly didn't have the energy that he once did as a puppy, but I thought we had years left to experience together. I keep trying to remind myself that he isn't in any pain any more, but it's hard because outwardly, he didn't appear to be in any pain anyways. He was always there for me; a lot has happened in the past 9 years, but Merls was my constant source of joy when I visited the home where I grew up. I hope he knows that I'm sorry he is gone, and that I will miss him as much as I loved him. Maybe he is running around in Heaven or walking with my Gram until we all meet again. Then I can tell him what I'd always say before I'd leave:

Good night sweet boy - I love you. You're a good, good dog.

2007 - Year of the Pig

I received some exciting news this past Friday. One of my best friends and her husband - Angie & Matt - are expecting their first child in June 2007. Of course we are thrilled for them; they've been trying since this summer after their marriage. To be honest, the news did make us a bit sad because we discovered that this cycle, again, didn't work out for us. It is a really awful feeling to be so mixed up emotionally - to be so happy that someone you love is getting what they want - and to be so sad that yet again, the same thing just isn't working for you.

But love always wins out over "adversity", and a few tears can't keep us down for long. We know it will one day happen for us. In the mean time, it is with much love that we are counting down the days until the littlest McKelvey arrives next June, in the year of the Pig. I did some research on this Chinese sign, and here is what I found, courtesy of ivillage.com:

Contrary to its rather negative reputation in the West, the Pig of Chinese Astrology may be the most generous and honorable Sign of the Zodiac. Pigs are nice to a fault and possess impeccable manners and taste. They have so much of the perfectionist in them that others may be inclined to perceive them as snobs, but this is a misconception. Pigs are simply possessed of a truly luxurious nature, one that delights in finery and riches (in surroundings, food, lovemaking and otherwise). This Sign believes in the best qualities of mankind and certainly doesn't consider itself to be superior. Pigs also care a great deal about friends and family and work hard to keep everyone in their life happy. Helping others is a true pleasure for the Pig, who feels best when everyone else is smiling.

Pigs are highly intelligent creatures, forever studying, playing and probing in their quest for greater knowledge. They can be misinterpreted as being lazy, however, due to their love of reveling in the good stuff; this Sign could happily spend hours on end making love, napping, taking a long bubble bath or dallying over an incredible spread of rich foods. Pigs tend to make wonderful life partners due to their hearts of gold and their love of family. Even so, Pigs can be rather exclusive, choosing to spend time with those who will appreciate them most and ignore the rest of the populace. Pigs would do well to realize that there's more to life than being needed. When they open up their world to a diverse group of people, they will truly bloom.

Sounds like Angela's child already!

Why 1475th place is great!

Just to toot my husband's horn- he finished the Pittsburgh Great Race (a 10K) and was the 1,475th person to cross the finish line. He finished in the top quarter of racers with a time of 47 minutes, 45 seconds. Not too shabby at all!

End of September

Welcome fall! Okay, it might be a few days early, but the weather has been down right chilly here in Pittsburgh! I thought I'd post today since the next few days are going to be hectic. I am going to be traveling to Long Beach, CA next week for the CA_Women_&_Family_Conference which looks to be amazing. Some of the speakers include Martha Stewart and the Dalai Lama whom I personally can't wait to hear speak! Plus, there will be work-shops from the TLC "What not to Wear" crew, and I am secretly hoping that I get chosen as a volunteer and get my wardrobe made over - that would rock!

This weekend we're having some friends over for the Steeler game and I'm also getting my hair cut short. Dave and his friend Mike are going to be running in the Pittsburgh_Great_Race

Finally before I close, just wanted to wish a very happy birthday to a few people today - my dad, our step-mom Kathy, and our sister-in-law Karlene. They are all very special to us, and we hope today is the start of a wonderful year for them!

Bathroom Beginnings

Last night the plumbers started the work to add the rough-ins for the basement full bath. The pictures say it all except the smell of dirt and sewage pipe- ugh. Hard to believe that this will look like a bathroom before the end of the year!

Weekly update

Just wanted to post to say hello to family and friends. We had a nice weekend, and it is great to have football showing again! Friday night a few couples came over to our house for dessert and drinks on the deck. It was a great night to sit out by the fire, under the full moon, and just talk and laugh. I met the ladies in the group on line while planning our wedding; we've stayed in close touch the past 2 years and have lunch once a month, and it's gotten to the point where I think even the men in the group no longer find it weird that we're hanging out with people we met in that great, mysterious place known as the internet!

Saturday was a lazy day and we did some house work and watched football. Notre Dame sure put a stomping on PSU! (sorry Mark!) Sunday we went to Ruby's birthday party as she turned 3. The party was at a small zoo where the kids (or adults too!) could feed and pet the animals. We watched some more football and made a great dinner and relaxed even more. Agh - weekends!

This week the plumber begins the work on the basement bathroom, we get our DVR hooked up, and my one-day-to-be-sister-in-law Kelly turns 30 (don't worry Kelly, no one reads this blog so we'll keep it our little secret in the family!!) so we're looking forward to seeing the kids and David & Kelly this weekend.

Before I say good bye in this little update, I just want to ask anyone reading this to take a moment and reflect today, September 11th. While so many people are remembering the tragic events of what happened 5 years ago, I'd ask that you remember the good that came from that day as well. I know that this day means different people to everyone, and it is a deeply personal feeling. Wishing everyone peace and many blessings...

September 4th

Every September 4th I think of my Gram. It's her birthday, but also the day she passed away. It's been 4 years now, and I think of her very often. On Sept 1, 2002 as I was driving to my new apartment to unload my things (my old apartment was heavily damaged in a fire the month prior) I received a phone call that changed my life. It was my brother, and I could tell something was very wrong. My brother is like my dad - stoic. But this time his voice was so full of emotion I couldn't even hear what he was trying to say. He relayed that he found my Gram in the basement slumped over and the ambulance was taking her to the hospital. She wasn't moving and they thought she had a massive stroke.

I had to tell me mom who was driving in the car behind me, on her way to help my move into my new place. How fast things changed. Minutes earlier it was a beautiful day and I was so full of hope and anticipation. I was ready to start my life again after living somewhere that wasn't home for 30 days. I'd finally put my fire tragedy behind me. Now I wasn't even aware that I was still driving, and I didn't know how to tell my mom. I pulled over into some gravel and don't remember what I said, but somehow I told her. She took off to the other side of the county, to the hospital where they were taking my Gram. I continued to my apartment to sign some paperwork, but I felt so lost and scared.

I think that phone call changed me on some deep level; the rug had been pulled out from under me. Where I had once been so confident in my nature, I now felt frozen. To this day it affects me - when Dave isn't home late at night, or I can't get in touch with someone, I tend to assume the worst. I think I wait to hear that something has happened like it happened that day with my Gram. I wait for my world to shift again, like I can't let myself get too comfortable because it could all change. I've talked to therapists about it, and I struggle to work through it at times.

Gram lived for 3 days after her stroke. Apparently she had suffered a few milder strokes at home, and never said anything, or maybe didn't even know. When I saw her in the hospital she had great difficulty talking. She'd communicate by writing things on scraps of paper; to this day I still think she had the most beautiful handwriting. I still remember how she said "You're still my angel Bethie" like she used to call me when I was little. But in the end I think she knew it was time to let go, and the last day in the ICU she wasn't really conscious. We said our goodbyes, and told her to go to the light. We went home to wait for the call that she'd passed, and when the phone rang 30 minutes later, we all knew. I don't remember who picked up the phone, I guess it was my mom. I don't remember much from that day given my state of emotion. But the one thing I do remember, that I'll never forget, was how blue the sky was that day; there wasn't a cloud in the sky. To this day when we see a sky that color, my mom and I will comment how the sky looked like it did the day Gram died.

My Gram was an amazing women. She helped raise me, and I lived with her for some time. She never said no to anyone, and always put others before herself. She was one of 8 children, and while not the eldest, she went first probably to help see the others to the other side. That was her nature, and I am proud that I have some of those qualities from her. This picture is my favorite one of her; it's from her wedding day, and she was so beautiful! We didn't have this picture until after she died. Her maid of honor at her wedding had this picture all these years, and thought that my family would like it. God bless the kindness of strangers. I never knew how much my mother looked like Gram, and because I look just like my mother, it is a comfort that an ever bigger part of my Gram lives on in me. My only regret is that she never got to meet Dave. She wasn't at our wedding, though I wore her wedding band (as my something borrowed) and carried a hanky she had (my something old). And when my Aunt sang the "Ave Maria", I could honestly feel her presence. I miss her greatly, and today more so. Happy Birthday Gram! I love you!

Good News & Bad News

The bad news: Roethlisberger won't be in our season opener due to emergency surgery to remove his appendix. I fear Tommy Big Gun Maddox will be back!




The good news: We won't be the last people on the Earth to get Tivo! Hurray!
TiVo arrives later this month at the Sprague house hold. I guess we can use it to pause live TV and skip over Maddox being sacked!!

Wake me from this bad dream

I woke up crying this morning from an awful dream. Have you ever cried so hard in your sleep that you woke up still crying? In my dream, I was at a baby shower for an old friend I haven't spoken to in years. I wasn't doing well emotionally, and no one could understand why I was so distant. They told me to lighten up and have fun. Then they got mean and wouldn't let up. I finally confronted one stranger and asked her why she was saying those things, and she said because they were true. I then asked her if she ever suffered from infertility, and she said no, and proceeded to say how awful she felt, and how she understood better. And while it felt good to defend myself in my dream, I still felt empty inside because we still suffer from this bad dream of unexplained infertility.

All of this was brought on by finding out an hour earlier that this cycle was again, another bust for us. I felt like a fool for allowing myself to have hoped so much. Without going into details (that probably don't interest you anyways) all last week signs pointed to it having worked. I dared to dream again, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Days like today are when IF can hurt the most- it's almost like a loss that I have to grieve before I can move on. And today will only be tougher because we get to meet Andrea who is our newborn niece. Now, don't think for a moment that I don't love her already. But there is something gut-wrenching about holding a newborn baby while your own cycle is crashing within. Days like today, IF hurts the most.

I am fortunate enough to be a member to an infertility chat board. This place is an amazing source of strength to me. Here everyone is supportive, dreams with you, celebrates the little victories. No one is cruel or says things like "you're just trying too hard". I logged on to talk about my bad dream, and how this cycle was a bust, when I came across a post that reduced me to even more tears. I wanted to share it with you - my dearest friends and family - because I could really relate to it:

I see posts all the time about women feeling crazy for thinking that this was their month. They had symptoms of pregnancy, different than their usual monthly routine, their timing was perfect...all of it. Then their period comes and they start to doubt their sanity.

These women (we) are on emotional roller coasters during the dreaded two week wait. Every temperature dip, spot, cramp, twinge, pain and nap has a deeper meaning all of the sudden. Sometimes the woman is lucky enough find out she is pregnant, but many times, though the signs point to "YES", Aunt Flo has already made her plans to come and stay for a while.
I read all the time posts where the women are saying "I feel so silly" or "Why did I allow myself to hope?" But still waters run deep for many of us.

Many of us spent our childhoods as little mothers. I, for one, took very good care of my bears, dolls and monkeys. I read them stories, tucked them in, fed them, bathed them (sorry about the fur in the bathtub mom) and rocked them to sleep while singing sweet lullabies. I placed them in their seats in the car and made sure they were buckled in right beside me. I taught my floppy children to read, to color and to be good boys and girls. I kissed their wounds before bandaging up their little arms and legs. I was a mother before I knew what being a mother meant.

Time passed and the stuffed animals were packed away. You grow up a little but you still think about what kind of parent you'll be when you really grow up. When your mom grounds you for being 15 minutes late or for not living up to your full potential (I think we ALL got that one once or twice, no?) you swore "I will NEVER do that to my kids, I'll be a cool mom." You don't really think about being a parent at this point, but in the back of your mind, it's something you always know Eventually...Somentually...Some day

One day you meet the partner of your dreams. You fall in love, maybe get married and a little thought pops into your head - "Hey, I could be a parent with this person!"

You get your hopes up every month because before your little one is even conceived you are in love with them. In love with their little fingers and toes, in love with their drool filled smile, in love with their snuggly noises they will make when they sleep. You're in love with what they can be, what you can teach them, what part of you they will have, what part of your partner they will resemble.

You can already picture them taking those first few steps, their first birthday party, riding their first bike without training wheels and hopping on that big yellow bus for the first time with their little hand waving from the big window inside.

Before they are even conceived you look forward to macaroni necklaces, finger-painted handprints on construction paper and mother's day gifts made truly from the heart. You see their big brown/blue/green/hazel eyes filled with hope, love and laughter. You can almost hear their giggle and feel the warmth of their little body as they snuggle up on your lap to read a book.Your love for them already runs so deep that you've thought about what they will be when they grow up.

You chose a name that will ensure them success in their lives. You are careful to take care of your body in order for your body to take care of theirs. You're excited because you have the potential to be a mom and within 2 weeks or days or minutes you could know just how quickly that dream could be a reality. You have been training, thinking and dreaming about this day since you can remember.

Good bye August!

Before we say goodbye to August and summer, we want to wish our niece Karyne a happy 4th birthday today! This picture of Karyne is from last summer when she was just about 3; she's grown so much since then. She's a big sister now! We're looking forward to your birthday party on Sunday.

I know that most of the posts recently have had some kind of mention of fall in them, and it isn't that I am struggling for material to write about. It's more that Dave and I are anxiously awaiting fall - our favorite season. I thought I'd put together a list of things we're looking forward to about fall:

• Cooler weather and crisp breezes
• The colors on the trees and short hikes in the woods to view nature's grandest show!
• The smell of burning wood drifting through the air
• Picking pumpkins at Trax farms and hayrides
• Hot apple cider (or caramel apple cider from Starbucks if you are like Dave!)
• Our 1st wedding anniversary on Oct 7th (Dave is planning a big day of for us but he won't say what he's planning just yet)
• Football season!! Go Steelers!
• Speaking of which, I'm looking forward to Pitt kicking some WVU butt this year on 11/16!
• Pumpkin flavored anything - coffee, ice cream, pies, cheesecake
• Wearing big soft sweaters and faded jeans - and boots! (for me, not Dave)
• Perhaps finding out that we'll be parents in 2007 ?!?
• Starting our monthly couples' dinner get togethers
• New seasons of TV shows like Lost and Scrubs

Summer was full of great memories and we thank God for all the blessings in our life. So long August!

Is it fall yet?

We're so ready for fall - today the hot and humid August that is all too familiar in western Pennsylvania came back and will be sticking around for a bit. Things had been going too well with our lower than expected electric bill from not needing the AC! But if that means that things will get back to what they are supposed to be, then the Steelers may finally win a game. Pre-season or not - Dave isn't bothered by the losses, but I am worried just a bit.

The plumber called a few days ago and postponed this weekend's project on putting in the rough-ins for the basement bathroom. So now ETA is mid-Sept.

Today while Dave was on call, I spent the day doing much needed landscaping around the house, which included planting fall mums. Otherwise we are just relaxing. Mike & Molly came over last night to watch the football game and we all just vegged. Hopefully we'll be able to catch up with the family tomorrow at church and afterwards. It's a lazy weekend for certain, but those are often the best!

Positive Thoughts

I was waiting in my RE's office this morning to get some blood work and ultrasound done. As I paged through a magazine there, the letter from the founder caught my attention, because it was something that I could relate to...

Waiting - or at least, waiting patiently- is not something I do well. I've always had the notion of not wanting to waste my precious time on earth, and I've had a tendency to be impatient. But now I realize there's a big difference between being patient and being complacent. Being patient means allowing the proper growth and timing for something to happen. Complacency, on the other hand, is plain powerlessness, waiting for life to happen to you. I can see that the most difficult part of infertility was facing the unknown without being able to take action. Now I look at uncertain times as opportunities to think about what's possible, and what I can do next.

I started to think about what I'd do differently if I didn't have infertility as my constant companion. Maybe I'd finally start to plan our trip to Alaska. Maybe I'd try sky diving like I've always wanted to try. And maybe I'd take a clue from Dave's Aunt Ruth and just go get that tattoo or belly ring, Buddha belly and all (me, not Ruth!). Call it an attitude shift. Call it a bell that went off. Whatever you call it, I thought about really making an effort to not be complacent. And then I went to CafePress and bought myself a tee to remind myself of just that.


The good news is that the vacant supervisor job at Dave's work that we've been waiting to be posted, finally posted. So Dave will be applying - please send your positive thoughts his way! He certainly deserves this promotion and works hard. We'll keep you posted!

Our First Post

We wanted to create a way to keep our family and friends updated on our lives. It's hard to keep since everyone we love are spread around western PA and then even further (Providence, Denver, Baltimore, etc). Thank goodness for technology...

This summer has just flown by! We had Angie_&_Matt's_Wedding , Dave's marathon and then Mark_&_Kacey's_Wedding and our trip to Rhode Island. This weekend we're starting the construction on our basement bathroom. The weeks in between have been marked by both nice quiet times at home as well as family functions and gathering of friends.

This past weekend we watched my niece Kadence (who is 1 year old) for the night. It was an interesting adventure, but luckily Kadence took it easy on us.

We think it was a great opportunity for us to get a preview of what it will be like when we have our own kids, though we're thinking Kaddie-bug's good behavior will have us fooled into thinking it is much easier than it really is!

Speaking of having our own kids... most of you know that we've been trying to add to our family in the past year. It's been a year to be exact. The journey has been filled with learning, frustration, and hope. The good news is that our doctors (both regular OBs and Reproductive Endocrinologists or "REs" as they are known in the infertility world) have said that we are fine. We're trying some new things now - medication and acupuncture for Beth- and that may or may not change things. We're lucky to have such a supportive network; some of our own family know all too well the ups & downs of infertility. And luckily we've learned to ignore the well intentioned "oh, just relax / dont' stress / plan a vacation / look into adoption and you'll get pregnant right away!" comments. (side note - studies show that stress does not cause infertility, though the opposite is true!) We're confident that we'll be parents one day and in the mean time, just appreciate the prayers and love from you. And of course, we'll share news when things change!

Especially with the approaching start of football season, we're looking forward to fall (Big Knob Fair anyone??) in all its glory. Sending our love to everyone!

Dave & Beth