Firsts

I have to start out today's post with the news that this morning Cori had her first purposeful smile! Such a proud moment! I was changing her clothes and she was stretching (which she just loves to do) and was just alert, looking at me. I've been smiling at her (it's hard not to!) and she finally smiled back!

This past week Cori got to meet her uncle Mark who was in from Providence. She also went to church again yesterday. We had a parents' brunch and then service and she was an angel the whole time. I swear she performs for people as no one will believe she fusses! She wore this little yellow dress from Baby Gap; minutes after this picture was taken, she had her first major diaper blowout. After we undressed her (it was leaking that bad) and put a new diaper on, it was only 10 minutes before blowout #2 happened.

Cori has baby acne fairly badly right now and I'm hoping it goes away. It has seemed to replace the gas issues that plagued her. She's sleeping great (though still being held for the most part) and has a very active social schedule with friends and family. Today we had an offer from family to take her for a whole day next week! Wow - what in the world will I do with a whole day of free time?!?!

Number Update

Yesterday's pediatrician appointment revealed that our little "Peanut" is now a whopping 11 pounds 1 ounce! She also grew two inches this month and is 22.5 inches!

And I'm happy to say I have lost all 43 pounds I gained during pregnancy (though so much of that was water weight and baby!). But since I was about 30 pounds over-weight when I got pregnant, I still have a way to go until I feel really good about how my body is!

One Month!

First things first - I survived my meltdown of last week. Things are getting better every day slowly. Don't get me wrong - each day has its good moments and then there are some tougher moments (usually sleep related). But I think (knock on wood) the baby blues train has finally kicked me off as a passenger.

Today Cori is one month old! It's hard to believe; she's changed so much already. Her hair is thinning out on top and her face is no where near as full. She's gotten longer, and I'm betting Wednesday's doctor appointment shows her to be at 10lbs.

She's eating every 3 hours approximately, and taking 3ozs each time. She's slowly righting her days and nights in that she's more alert during the day and sleeping better at night. We still have to hold her for the most part (especially at night) but I know it's because she is so young. Right now she is sleeping in her pack & play on this incline positioner that plays a heart beat sound which seems to sooth her (and provide relief for my back!)

Last night we took her to our friends Cyndy & Paul who are photographers. They did a fairly long photo shoot with her and us (mostly her) and we can't wait to see the pictures. We just wanted some pics to place in a birth announcement, but in typical generous fashion, Cyndy and Paul spent a lot of time and took a ton of photos.

Speaking of photos, here's my favorite thus far. Dave had me shoot this while she was sleeping one night.

Meltdown

Well, I had my first official meltdown this morning. Since co-sleeping went so well yesterday morning for a few hours, as well as an afternoon nap, I thought I'd try it last night when my 1AM shift started. Big mistake - I barely slept I was so hyper aware of Cori. Every movement she made caused me to wake up to see if she was okay. I feel like I held my breath all night.

Around 4:30 she woke up for her feeding - I fed her and then she was awake. WIDE awake. Wouldn't go back to sleep. And she started screaming. Nothing would calm her (and I tried it all aside from getting in the car and driving as that would have resulted in my accidentally running down someone in my sleep deprived state....) Somewhere around 6:30 as my daughter continued to scream, I just burst into tears. I.was.so.tired. So I'm sobbing, Cori is screaming, and Dave walks into the nursery and had to be thinking "Good Lord what is going on here". My compassionate husband took the baby and sent me off to bed.

I felt like such a failure to both Cori as well as Dave (who had to go into work a few hours late). I thought earlier this week was rough, ha! It sucks to not know how to comfort your child, and it sucks to try to function on 3 hrs of sleep. Both together are just awful.

Let me also add that Corinne stayed awake until 11 AM today. Yep - up and alert from 4:30 to 11:00 AM. (What made her go to sleep? A car ride....) Please God let this be a freak day and not some sort of new, extra long witching hour phase.

I'm off to bed now. Not joking. In case this happens again tonight, at least I can have more than 3 hours of sleep under my belt. Now if only I didn't have to wake up half way through to pump....

Hump day of 1st week alone

I'm all alone with Corinne this week, and somehow we've made it through day #3. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, but it is way more repetitive than I could've imagined! The most surprising thing to me is how a 24hr day can be broken down into 7 repetitive chunks of 3 hours. ( I realize that 24/3=8, but one of those 3 hr slots is allocated to me sleeping.) It is a continuous cycle of feeding, changing diapers, pumping, trying to calm a fussy baby, and catching a cat-nap for 15 minutes between the previously mentioned items.

A touch of the baby blues also struck this week; I'm doing okay, but hormone cycling and sleep deprivation aren't a good mix. And since Cori didn't come with a user's manual, it's frustrating to try and figure out what is causing her to cry and what she needs when she seems okay, etc. Even harder is that she just won't sleep well unless you hold her. I hope this phase passes shortly!

People tell you parenting is hard, but they never tell you that there is no way to know how hard it is until you experience it. I think part of me is mourning my old structured life (selfish perhaps but honest) and right now, we're in a phase where there isn't much maternal recognition on her part, which is the "fun" part I've been waiting to experience. I know it will come in time, but there are moments where next week just seems so far away let alone another month, etc.

A few pictures to share from Father's Day - Corinne went to church for the first time (and did great!) and we enjoyed dressing her up in a fancier outfit. She's darn cute isn't she?

That's what it's all about

There have been many wonderful moments since having Corinne home thus far, but when I see a sight like this, it makes me grin from ear to ear.

If only she was this calm at 3AM!!

Cori's Big Adventure

Today Dave went back to work, which meant last night I had the entire shift from 1-7 AM. Corinne decided to fuss from about 3AM to 6AM. It was a long night. This little lady sure fights going to sleep! Nothing seemed to sooth her. Luckily my mom came over at 7 AM and I was able to get some sleep.

I wish I could say that today's big adventure was an effort to tucker our little stinker out, but that would be a lie. I have this odd anxiety about leaving the house - something may happen, she may fuss, etc. I know it isn't good to stay cooped up in the house, but hey, first time mom here!! But today we had some things to do so we had no choice. Luckily I wasn't alone.

First, this morning Cori lost her belly button nub. All better now!

Later Aunt Kelly and cousin Nate came over to say hello.

Then we went for a car ride to Magee Hospital to return the breast pump rental. Corinne **loves** the car (as long as it is moving!) Then mom and grandma Suzie went for ice-cream as a reward...

Tonight Dad read Cori a book that mom picked out.

Then Dad read his favorite book- the extremes of the books chosen make me laugh!

Finally we went on our first stroller ride! It was a long walk (and mom feels quite out of shape!) and Cori slept through most of it.

As soon as we got home, she woke up (the motion stopped) and has been fussing ever since. Sigh..... So I'll cut this short. If you happen to roll over at 3AM tonight, think of us! We'll no doubt be up!

2 weeks already!

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since Cori was born. She is already 9lbs (as of her doctor's appt this past week) and eating like a champ. I **think** (knock on wood) she has righted her days & nights - she's been more alert during the days and sleeping better at night. The real test (for mom) will be when Dave goes back to work on Tuesday and I have to take all the night shifts (we currently split them). I foresee more naps during the day than what I'm doing now (none to one right now).

Here's a picture of her in her vibrating chair. She loves motion and vibrations.

Many people have asked how breast feeding is going, so I'm updating here. It never went well, and after a lot of thought I decided to not attempt it again and instead just exclusively pump. So she gets bottled breast milk. After meeting with two different lactation consultants for a total of 6 times, the confirmed that while I'm doing everything as correct as can be, Corinne just is very impatient at the breast. She won't latch, and she won't calm down even if milk is ejected right into her mouth. She would get so worked up that she couldn't calm down, which lead to a very frustrated and unnerved mom, and it was pretty much a terrible experience for both of us.

Then you factor in the fact that she was dehydrated from not getting enough to eat, and I just can't risk it again. Doing the exclusively pumping way, I can give her breast milk and all the benefits, but also make sure she is consuming enough since we can measure the amounts. Plus, Dad and others get to feed her which everyone loves. It's twice the work in a way - I still have to prep and clean bottles every 3 hrs and also take the 20 mins or so to express the milk. But as long as she is healthy and happy, this is the route we're going for now.

I give credit to those women who are able to successfully breastfeed - it truly is a lot of work and a learning experience for both mom and baby. But sometimes it doesn't work out, no matter how many times you try or no matter how hard you try. I think I'm done beating myself up about it and have moved past it (whew). Besides, with the super easy labor I had, I guess I can't have it all and have an easy time breastfeeding too huh?!

For those moms out there, any recommendations for a baby carrier (like a Maya wrap or ring sling)? With Dave going back to work and it just being me and Corinne, I'd like to be a bit more mobile with her. I'd welcome any opinions on what worked for you.

Pictures!

Thought we'd add some pictures of Corinne. Things are going pretty well - she's in the midst of her 7-10 day growth spurt which means she is slightly fussier and wants to eat more frequently. But she's healthy and that is all that counts! She also has her days and nights confused which spells trouble for us from 1-6 AM when she is as alert as can be. (We're trying to sleep during the day when she is zonked out, but it's hard when you're awake and not tired!)

Here's her picture from the hospital. She's changed a lot already and isn't as swollen:

And here are a few of her at home - 1 week old:

She is doing this really cute smile thing when she drifts into sleep - it's totally involuntary but that's okay - it's so cute to see! Her jaundice is just about gone and we've had a few visits from family. As we get a bit more comfortable, we'll be having more visits I'm sure.

Oh, and by the way, we're happy to announce that the winner of the baby shower guessing game is Lisa B! It was a close call between Lisa and Kelly- both guessed a girl on May 26th (the closest guess) but Lisa was closer with her weight guess of 8lb 8 oz than Kelly's 7lb 10 oz. She'll be soon receiving her Chili's gift certificates!!