Well, I had my first official meltdown this morning. Since co-sleeping went so well yesterday morning for a few hours, as well as an afternoon nap, I thought I'd try it last night when my 1AM shift started. Big mistake - I barely slept I was so hyper aware of Cori. Every movement she made caused me to wake up to see if she was okay. I feel like I held my breath all night.
Around 4:30 she woke up for her feeding - I fed her and then she was awake. WIDE awake. Wouldn't go back to sleep. And she started screaming. Nothing would calm her (and I tried it all aside from getting in the car and driving as that would have resulted in my accidentally running down someone in my sleep deprived state....) Somewhere around 6:30 as my daughter continued to scream, I just burst into tears. I.was.so.tired. So I'm sobbing, Cori is screaming, and Dave walks into the nursery and had to be thinking "Good Lord what is going on here". My compassionate husband took the baby and sent me off to bed.
I felt like such a failure to both Cori as well as Dave (who had to go into work a few hours late). I thought earlier this week was rough, ha! It sucks to not know how to comfort your child, and it sucks to try to function on 3 hrs of sleep. Both together are just awful.
Let me also add that Corinne stayed awake until 11 AM today. Yep - up and alert from 4:30 to 11:00 AM. (What made her go to sleep? A car ride....) Please God let this be a freak day and not some sort of new, extra long witching hour phase.
I'm off to bed now. Not joking. In case this happens again tonight, at least I can have more than 3 hours of sleep under my belt. Now if only I didn't have to wake up half way through to pump....
7 comments:
oh, bunny! i am SO SORRY :( i can imagine how stressful that must have been :( i hate that hyperaware insomnia thing. and her screaming must be heartbreaking + frustrating, plus being exhausted, who could blame you for having a meltdown? heck, i'm impressed that you moms (especially new ones) don't feel that way all the time. i'm glad that dave is able to help out, but please don't feel like he's the only one in your corner or who can help. lots of us love you and are happy to do whatever you need. we'll whisk you away to esspa one of these days--just us girls! lots of love, lisa.
Okay, I am as pro-breastmilk as one can be, and I support whatever you decide, but I really, honestly think it would be ok if you drop the middle of the night pumping session. I remember those horrible three hour chunks of sleep, and honestly, if you could get five hours, I bet you would feel so much better.
It will get better. It will.
Sending even more hugs your way. I obviously have no experience or good advice here but it will get better, no mom would make it through if babies always stayed in this phase. You are a wonderful mommy and you're going to figure this all out.
You are a great mommy. Things will get better. You are NOT a failure.
Taking care of a newborn is a big experiment. You just have to keep trying things to see what works and sometimes the things you try don't work well. It just means it is time to try something different.
*hugs*
You are a terrific mom -- you are NOT a failure in any way. It is obvious that Cori loves you, and you are doing a terrific job. It gets easier and even better. Truly. I hope we can get together again soon! And I hope tonight is a better night. Hang in there!!
I'm with Anna. You'd be surprised at your outlook after some SOLID sleep. It might not make her cry less, but you're be better equipped to handle it. Big hugs, you're not a failure in the least. Babies are just a big mystery sometimes. This is all very normal and at times I wish I had blogged then and would have known that. thank goodness for loving, patient husbands!
The sleep deprivation definitely gets to you. We've had two rough nights in a row now, and I finally had to just let Joel take care of her while I took a nap. If you have family and friends around that can come help out during the day so you can relax and get some sleep - you should take advantage of it.
Trying to pump amidst all that is insane. I'm right there with you. Sometimes I end up going much too long without pumping, but it happens because I just can't get to it. You can only do so much.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me - or I'll give you my number and you can call. These little girlies are sure giving us a run for our money!
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