I hate bedtime. Well, not my own, cause that is usually a bliss-full state where I literally drop into bed and exhale. But toddler bedtime sucks. Every night I watch the clock with an equal mixture of anticipation and dread. Because when Cori's bedtime is done, it's "my" time (what little of it there is), but getting through the bedtime ritual feels like an act of sainthood every night.
Prior to bedtime we prep Cori with "Okay, almost bedtime, X minutes until we go upstairs" etc. Toys get put away, good night kisses are dealt, etc. Most nights I put Cori to bed because she is a mama's girl, and she fights tooth & nail when her daddy attempts to do bedtime. And usually by this point of the night I am too exhausted to fight about it. "Pick your battles" at its best.
At 8 PM I climb the stairs and pray that the hour doesn't go too awfully. From 8 until 8:15, we brush teeth, use the potty, and put on PJs. Fifteen minutes to do those things. It amazes me that it takes so long... do you know what I could do with 15 minutes having similar needs? Heck, I could shower and change and put on my make up in fifteen minutes. To be honest, each morning I PRAY for fifteen minutes so I can do those very things undisturbed...
From 8:15 to 8:30 is story time. We read 2 stories together, which is really 4 stories because Cori has to read the story first before I'm allowed to read it. Cori reading the story amounts to her reading from memory as to how the story goes, commenting on the pictures, and sometimes lots of singing of random things. Then it's my "turn".
Lights go off at 8:30 and I lay with her for about 5-10 minutes. We snuggle and talk about our favorite part of the day and what we're doing tomorrow. Around 8:40 I get out of her bed and tuck her in (for the umpteenth time) and here begins the ritual of questions that takes a solid 5 minutes. Did you turn my monitor on? Did you give me water or juice in my sippy? Why did you give me water; I want juice? Why shouldn't I bite my nails? You're going to brush your teeth and wash your face and check on me and then go to sleep? No monsters or thunder or lightening or robots or wind or choo choos' whistles right? Will you sleep with me all night? Why can't you sleep with me all night? It goes on and on and on and on. If I ignore her, she just keeps going and going and going. Or she will start crying etc and wake Ben. Heaven help me, but it's like a broken record.
Once I manage to get out of her room and into my own (if I go downstairs or anywhere but my room, mass hysterics ensures, which is a post for another time) I start to get ready for my own bedtime... brushing teeth, washing my face, etc. Usually I can't do more than that because Cori will start crying and yelling "Mommy!!" until I come in. Not always, but usually just when it's fairly inconvenient. More than once I've gone into her room highly aggravated saying "Cori! Mommy is still washing her face! You need to give me a few more minutes" etc. And when I ask what she needs, she just proceeds to ask her questions again.
At this point, it's usually around 8:55. When I am done with my small routine, I go back into her room and say good night one final time. She verifies that I am indeed going to bed, asks me to lay with her some more (sigh) and I tuck her in a few more times. I exit the room a minute or two before 9 PM.
THIS HAPPENS EVERY. NIGHT LIKE. CLOCKWORK. You could bet on it.
I wish I could say that after Cori's bedtime, the night is mine, but of course it isn't. I have to get plenty of things ready for tomorrow (clothes, lunches, bottles, papers) and at this point the mental exhaustion of toddler bedtime + physical exhaustion of my own day combine to make me exhausted and I just go to bed anyways. It is a rare night that I have the energy to even sneak back down stairs and spend time with my husband (who is usually on baby duty until 9ish).
Cori can drag her feet with the best of them. I don't know if that is a special skill she has acquired, or if this is a "normal" toddler thing. And repeatedly telling her to do X or to not do Y (or both!) drives me insane. Suddenly she forgets how to take off her clothes or absolutely has to jump on the bed 20 times. It is seriously exhausting to me. And much of the time, I feel like an awful parent because I hate bedtime so much. Is this normal?
2 comments:
I would definitely talk to your pediatrician about Cori's patterns. This sounds like a manifestation of some early anxiety and possibly latent OCD behaviour. She's running the show the way she wants and has become emotionally dependent upon these patterns. And you are too exhausted to pick those battles. But the problem is she is getting reinforcement for her behaviour because you are supporting it by letting her lead you through her unhealthy patterns over and over and over again. She wants your full-on attention and cooperation and she's getting it, so this will not stop on its own as she exits toddlerhood. With a fultime job and you're already overwhelmed, as anyone would be. You need to take control of this situation, for your sake and for Cori's. And for everyone else in the house because they are all affected by this. But you can't do this on your own. Research some resources in your area and engage the help of a professional child therapist. You deserve to have better life balance and Cori deserves to be free of her fears and have constructive tools with which to deal with her anxiety.
I agree with the previous poster. She's running the show, and now it's engrained in her. You'll probably end up having to play hardball.
What about starting earlier with her? Now that you're in the routine, you may have to stick with it, but starting earlier may help. Or maybe get a whole new routine??? Like the first person said - ask the pediatrician. I feel bad you have to go through this. It is exhausting.
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