IVF update

I am trying to stay positive, but this whole IVF thing can be so hard!! I am doing "fine" by my doctor, but I can't help but compare myself to where I was last time. I've been stimming for 6 days now. My estrogen is at 439 and I have five measurable follicles.

• 2 at 15mm
• 1 at 12mm
• 2 at 10mm

At this point in my last cycle, my estrogen was almost double and I had 10 follicles. Now, I know each time is different, but maybe it is the scientist in me that screams "WHY ISN'T MY BODY REACTING BETTER"??

I can't continue to stimulate my ovaries because the doctor has to stop me when I have follicles reach 16mm or I will lose them. So with any luck, I will have one or two more little follicles step up to the place and have about 7 follicles during next week's egg retrieval.

I know it only takes one, but what most people don't realize is that your numbers can only go down. If they get 7 follicles, and they fertilize as expected, we'll have hopefully 4 or 5 embryos. It is very rare to have 100% fertilization. And then not all fertilized embryos survive. (Last time we lost 2 along the way) So in essence we started out with 12 follicles and ended up with 4 embryos. So with only starting out with 5 follicles - we're not going to have a lot to work with, so we may not even get one. Ugh - it is so frustrating and scary and nerve racking and uncertain. Quite the challenge for someone who doesn't like the unknown and is a bit of a control freak. Oh, and have I mentioned this is my life-long dream - to have a baby and be a mom?? No pressure there!

I go back in for monitoring on Saturday morning, and it looks like I'll trigger Sunday night for egg retrieval on Tuesday morning. Please, please continue to send good vibes our way.