Celebrate the Small Victories

As I sit and type this post, our daughter has been asleep for 50 minutes in her crib. The title of this post was easy to write. And as Dave is (at long last) staining the bathroom door, it only reinforced the thoughts of the title.

But as I thought about how happy I was that the door was getting stained, I stopped to think about if it was really that important. Like, if I found myself in a situation like Jai Pausch, would it really matter to me that the door wasn't finished? And even more so, wouldn't I want it to stay unfinished?

Jai Pausch is the wife of now world known Dr. Randy Pausch; unfortunately now she is also a widow. As most people have heard, Randy succumb to his pancreatic cancer on Friday July 25th. That news made me truly sad. I know that Randy lived his life as full as possible, but the world needs more people like him. I felt compelled to read his book "The Last Lecture" as it was sitting in our bookcase. (Corinne had given it to Dave for Father's Day this year.)

All I can say is wow - what a read. I hope everyone reads this book. And I hope I can follow through with some dreams I've promised myself I'd attempt at some point. The point is that there is no time like the present.

On the left I've added some things I promise to do for myself, and I'm going to really follow up on them. As time moves forward, I invite anyone who reads this blog keep me in check by asking what I'd done thus far to see them through. I'll probably be adding to it as I realize things, and I believe that Dave may want to add some things as he finishes the book too.

• I promise myself that I'll take up piano lessons again. I played until I graduated high school and then I stopped. Truth is that I hate to work hard for anything; I am lazy about many things. A lot of things come naturally to me which I take for granted, and I don't like that I have to work to keep them tuned. That is how it was / is for me & music. The ability to read music and play came so easily to me, but I hated to practice. (Heck, that kind of describes my attitude of studying in my college years!) And now I've forgotten how to play. I've gone from winning awards in high school for my abilities to struggling to read 2 lines of music together. And I really miss music; so many nights I dream I am playing the piano or viola or saxophone again and I'm part of a symphony. And I am so happy! I want to try and make that happen - no, I don't want to be a musician, but I guess I just want to get back that love and feeling I had while playing music.
  
• I am scared to death to sky-dive, yet I really want to experience it. I think I should just do it.
  
• The phrase "Jack of all traits, master of none" comes to mind when I think of my hobbies. I have a few, but my favorite is gardening. I didn't do any of it this year knowing that our little girl would occupy so much time. But I miss it, and I want to cultivate more knowledge about this my favorite hobby.
  
• I want to work out to feel better and to live a healthier life - for my daughter as well as myself. I've been thinking about joining a gym in the next month or so, which kind of makes me laugh since I barely have time for myself now. But I think I need this time to myself, to work on myself and strengthen who I am inside and out. I talked to Dave about it and we think we can make it work. It's long overdue.

I hope that today you can take a moment to find real joy in something simple and small, and maybe even celebrate a small victory!

100 out of 100

Today was Corinne's 2 month check-up, and our sweet girl is growing like a weed (except much cuter!) The doctor is really happy with how she's doing. Have I said how much I love our pediatrician? She is down to earth, takes a ton of time to answer questions, and is great with Cori. But today I was honest about how Cori seems to prefer sleeping on her tummy, and she didn't make me feel bad at all. She listened and gave me some tips and said that while she can't endorse sleeping on baby's tummy, sometimes parents know best and you have to do what you have to do.

Corinne's stats:

• weight = 13lbs (100th percentile!)


• height = 23.5 inches (85th percentile)


• head circumference = 40.3 cm (75th percentile)


• received an oral vaccine and 2 shots of vaccine (we opted to split them up)

Corinne did great! She cried when she got the shots but recovered quickly thanks to her favorite pink pacifier. She's been actually less fussy than usual (go figure) and is just sleeping and eating.

Time is ticking until I return to work (August 13th) and summer seems to have flown past. Fall will be here before you know it; I know Dave is looking forward to taking his little girl to her first Big Knob Fair!

Fascination

Cori's newest fascination is her bouncer seat - she will stare at the musical fish for up to an hour! It seems to be the only "toy" that holds her interest for longer than 5 minutes. Maybe I can get some things done with her in this contraption! Maybe you're thinking that I should be getting things done while she naps on her belly, having figured that out. Well - our kid is so smart, she is on to us! While the first day we got 2 hours from her, the time has been decreasing daily. We're now down to about 5 minutes. Sigh.... back to the drawing board!

Her 2 month check up is this Thursday and I can't wait to see how much she weights. I am betting around 14 pounds - at least that is what my back is telling me!

Not much else has been going on. Dave and I had a date night on Friday night and we were some of the millions of people who went to see the new movie "The Dark Knight". I was honestly surprised at how good the movie was! It's more Dave's cup of tea than mine, but I really enjoyed the story line, the social implications it brought up, and truly, Heath Ledger's performance was outstanding. People aren't just speaking well of the dead.

We also got to see a lot of Dave's family this past week and they got to meet Cori. We always enjoy spending time with family!

Tummy time..

I can't believe that I have to go back to work in a month. It just seems unreal - August 13th I report back for duty. Part of me is really looking forward to going back and slipping back into somewhat of a schedule. I think I'll be a better parent to Cori when I'm back at work. I enjoy my work, am happy to have a job, and think I'm fairly good at what I do. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I also miss the pay! ha ha But I dread catching up; I've already had to log on 2x since my inbox was overflowing past the 1 GB of mail limit.

As time is going by, and Cori is in her 7th week, she is smiling more, cooing and laughing a bit. She's really alert and active in the morning (which is also why we've not yet captured this on film - it's too early to be fully functional!) But we ***may*** have solved the sleeping only when being held issue.

I've suspected for a while that she may be a tummy sleeper like her mom. She no longer enjoys the cradle position of being held in your arms. She much prefers being held upright (like when you'd burp her). She usually falls right asleep. I think it's the warmth of the chest to chest and the pressure on her tummy (as she is prone to gas). So yesterday afternoon I said a prayer and laid her down on her tummy. Low and behold she slept for 2 whole hours! She slept through her feeding time even.

I thought she may have slept from being over-tired (as she had a mild meltdown in Target yesterday). Well, I tried it again this morning and 40 minutes later, she is still sleeping. Granted I am checking on her every 5 minutes to make sure she is still breathing, but she seems fine. I don't trust it enough to do it at night, so we'll continue to co-sleep or hold her, but for the daytime, we may have found our answer!

Tagged - 2x!

Oh man, I thought I felt something... I got tagged twice! On the same day by Michelle and Melissa!

The criteria:
Name five things that you can't live without. It can't be a person, it has to be something material that actually makes your life easier. It can't be something in general, it must be exact. Hmmm

1. Heated seats - without a doubt. May not make my life easier but sure makes my butt warmer! After having them in my first Jetta, I will not purchase a car without them. I've been researching cars / crossover SUVs recently as we're considering a purchase. I will not even consider one that doesn't have this as an option!
   
2. my dishwasher - call me lazy, but I hate drying dishes, and seriously, I don't think I could ever live without this invention. At times I don't mind washing dishes, but I **hate** to dry them!
   
3. MAC pressed powder - with Corinne's birth and the past 7 weeks, I haven't been wearing much make up at all. But just putting this on my face takes away the shine and makes me feel human again. And when you can't get out of your PJs some days, you learn to really relish the days that you have a reason to put on any bit of make up!
   
4. Haircolor - at the risk of sounding now both lazy AND vain, I have to admit that I'm not a real blonde. Shhhhh! I used to be. Honest! But I think the teenage hormones did something as all that lovely blonde hair was replaced with a very ashey color with splashes of red undertones. It's just awful. I'd be richer if I didn't color my hair, but I'd be miserable for sure. I've worn every color of hair from fiery red (which looked smashing with my hot pink junior prom dress) to very dark brown / almost black. I think I'm happy with my current status.
   
5. Online banking - I hate going to the bank. I never have time for it. I hate writing checks. And two things I never have on my are cash or stamps. Online banking really solves both for me. Being the control freak that I am, online banking let me set up all our payments ahead of time; knowing I'd be a bit busy with the baby in May-July, I set up the payments prior. I could then "set it and forget it"... I hope this never goes away, even if one of my good friends works for the post office and they lose money from no more bills being paid via stamped envelopes!

So those are my 5 boring things. I really wanted to post my love of the DVR, which is true, but more than a few people said that and I already copied the "heated seat" answer!

I now tag Sara and Suzi!

Like a kid in a candy store

Have you ever had so many options that you just didn't know what to choose?? Today I'm like a kid in a candy store- endless options before me. So many in fact, I'm just kind of mentally standing around going "duhhhhh" and not sure what to do first. See, Cori is with her pap-pap and grandma Kathy today and I'm free all day! (Well not all day but for 8-9 hrs) Don't get me wrong - I will miss my kid. Heck, I almost shed a tear as she went out the door. But I am smart enough to know that a big dose of "me" time will make me an even better parent.

So what did I do first? I ate a big piece of DQ ice-cream cake left over from my mom's birthday cookout this past weekend. I'm not sure what they put in the middle of the cake, but those chocolate crunchies are like crack to me! And let's face it - I'm a smart girl. Breakfast is THE most important meal of the dal - you don't want to skip that!

Next I caught up on some friend's blogs and my email. I love my child but I miss technology! Then I proceeded to vacuum under the couch and chair cushions. Though it needed done in a big way (what was under there totally skeeved me out), it was a moment where I said "what the heck are you doing?!?! You have free time and are vacuuming under cushions? Pathetic!" I stopped. Whew - that was close.

Intending to go outside into the sunshine and garden (wow, I really miss gardening) I put on my tennis shoes. My first thought was " wow! they fit again!" since they didn't fit for a long time due to the massive swelling known as 'the 3rd trimester'. That thought was immediately followed up with "you really need to put these shoes on more often and exercise!" I filed that thought away for future consideration.

Before I head out into the sun, I thought about how infrequently I've been blogging and decided I should take the time to post. Things really have been going okay. This past week Corinne has been sleeping for longer at night, though still needing to be held. We're willing to not complain too loudly for a few more weeks, but we'd sure love to get her into her bassinet or crib! She just won't cooperate for longer than 15 minutes. Last night I tried cosleeping again and it worked much better. 4 hrs straight of sleep, waking only to eat. So that may solve the night-time situation but not naps during the day. All in time I guess.

We had a lovely holiday weekend. Grandma Suzie came over on Friday to watch Cori while Dave and I prepped the house and food for the Saturday cookout. We even went to see the movie Wall-E, which was wonderful! Highly recommended. We watched the fireworks on TV Friday night. Saturday was out family cookout and Sunday we hung out at Aunt Kelly & Uncle Dave's house while my husband and brother toiled in the hot sun digging a fire pit.

We'd gotten back the pictures we ordered from Cori's 1 month photo shoot. We didn't order a ton due to finances, but this one is probably one of my favorites. It won't be on the birth announcements so I won't ruin any surprise by sharing it here.

I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day! Hope you're enjoying yours!!

Firsts

I have to start out today's post with the news that this morning Cori had her first purposeful smile! Such a proud moment! I was changing her clothes and she was stretching (which she just loves to do) and was just alert, looking at me. I've been smiling at her (it's hard not to!) and she finally smiled back!

This past week Cori got to meet her uncle Mark who was in from Providence. She also went to church again yesterday. We had a parents' brunch and then service and she was an angel the whole time. I swear she performs for people as no one will believe she fusses! She wore this little yellow dress from Baby Gap; minutes after this picture was taken, she had her first major diaper blowout. After we undressed her (it was leaking that bad) and put a new diaper on, it was only 10 minutes before blowout #2 happened.

Cori has baby acne fairly badly right now and I'm hoping it goes away. It has seemed to replace the gas issues that plagued her. She's sleeping great (though still being held for the most part) and has a very active social schedule with friends and family. Today we had an offer from family to take her for a whole day next week! Wow - what in the world will I do with a whole day of free time?!?!

Number Update

Yesterday's pediatrician appointment revealed that our little "Peanut" is now a whopping 11 pounds 1 ounce! She also grew two inches this month and is 22.5 inches!

And I'm happy to say I have lost all 43 pounds I gained during pregnancy (though so much of that was water weight and baby!). But since I was about 30 pounds over-weight when I got pregnant, I still have a way to go until I feel really good about how my body is!

One Month!

First things first - I survived my meltdown of last week. Things are getting better every day slowly. Don't get me wrong - each day has its good moments and then there are some tougher moments (usually sleep related). But I think (knock on wood) the baby blues train has finally kicked me off as a passenger.

Today Cori is one month old! It's hard to believe; she's changed so much already. Her hair is thinning out on top and her face is no where near as full. She's gotten longer, and I'm betting Wednesday's doctor appointment shows her to be at 10lbs.

She's eating every 3 hours approximately, and taking 3ozs each time. She's slowly righting her days and nights in that she's more alert during the day and sleeping better at night. We still have to hold her for the most part (especially at night) but I know it's because she is so young. Right now she is sleeping in her pack & play on this incline positioner that plays a heart beat sound which seems to sooth her (and provide relief for my back!)

Last night we took her to our friends Cyndy & Paul who are photographers. They did a fairly long photo shoot with her and us (mostly her) and we can't wait to see the pictures. We just wanted some pics to place in a birth announcement, but in typical generous fashion, Cyndy and Paul spent a lot of time and took a ton of photos.

Speaking of photos, here's my favorite thus far. Dave had me shoot this while she was sleeping one night.

Meltdown

Well, I had my first official meltdown this morning. Since co-sleeping went so well yesterday morning for a few hours, as well as an afternoon nap, I thought I'd try it last night when my 1AM shift started. Big mistake - I barely slept I was so hyper aware of Cori. Every movement she made caused me to wake up to see if she was okay. I feel like I held my breath all night.

Around 4:30 she woke up for her feeding - I fed her and then she was awake. WIDE awake. Wouldn't go back to sleep. And she started screaming. Nothing would calm her (and I tried it all aside from getting in the car and driving as that would have resulted in my accidentally running down someone in my sleep deprived state....) Somewhere around 6:30 as my daughter continued to scream, I just burst into tears. I.was.so.tired. So I'm sobbing, Cori is screaming, and Dave walks into the nursery and had to be thinking "Good Lord what is going on here". My compassionate husband took the baby and sent me off to bed.

I felt like such a failure to both Cori as well as Dave (who had to go into work a few hours late). I thought earlier this week was rough, ha! It sucks to not know how to comfort your child, and it sucks to try to function on 3 hrs of sleep. Both together are just awful.

Let me also add that Corinne stayed awake until 11 AM today. Yep - up and alert from 4:30 to 11:00 AM. (What made her go to sleep? A car ride....) Please God let this be a freak day and not some sort of new, extra long witching hour phase.

I'm off to bed now. Not joking. In case this happens again tonight, at least I can have more than 3 hours of sleep under my belt. Now if only I didn't have to wake up half way through to pump....

Hump day of 1st week alone

I'm all alone with Corinne this week, and somehow we've made it through day #3. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, but it is way more repetitive than I could've imagined! The most surprising thing to me is how a 24hr day can be broken down into 7 repetitive chunks of 3 hours. ( I realize that 24/3=8, but one of those 3 hr slots is allocated to me sleeping.) It is a continuous cycle of feeding, changing diapers, pumping, trying to calm a fussy baby, and catching a cat-nap for 15 minutes between the previously mentioned items.

A touch of the baby blues also struck this week; I'm doing okay, but hormone cycling and sleep deprivation aren't a good mix. And since Cori didn't come with a user's manual, it's frustrating to try and figure out what is causing her to cry and what she needs when she seems okay, etc. Even harder is that she just won't sleep well unless you hold her. I hope this phase passes shortly!

People tell you parenting is hard, but they never tell you that there is no way to know how hard it is until you experience it. I think part of me is mourning my old structured life (selfish perhaps but honest) and right now, we're in a phase where there isn't much maternal recognition on her part, which is the "fun" part I've been waiting to experience. I know it will come in time, but there are moments where next week just seems so far away let alone another month, etc.

A few pictures to share from Father's Day - Corinne went to church for the first time (and did great!) and we enjoyed dressing her up in a fancier outfit. She's darn cute isn't she?

That's what it's all about

There have been many wonderful moments since having Corinne home thus far, but when I see a sight like this, it makes me grin from ear to ear.

If only she was this calm at 3AM!!

Cori's Big Adventure

Today Dave went back to work, which meant last night I had the entire shift from 1-7 AM. Corinne decided to fuss from about 3AM to 6AM. It was a long night. This little lady sure fights going to sleep! Nothing seemed to sooth her. Luckily my mom came over at 7 AM and I was able to get some sleep.

I wish I could say that today's big adventure was an effort to tucker our little stinker out, but that would be a lie. I have this odd anxiety about leaving the house - something may happen, she may fuss, etc. I know it isn't good to stay cooped up in the house, but hey, first time mom here!! But today we had some things to do so we had no choice. Luckily I wasn't alone.

First, this morning Cori lost her belly button nub. All better now!

Later Aunt Kelly and cousin Nate came over to say hello.

Then we went for a car ride to Magee Hospital to return the breast pump rental. Corinne **loves** the car (as long as it is moving!) Then mom and grandma Suzie went for ice-cream as a reward...

Tonight Dad read Cori a book that mom picked out.

Then Dad read his favorite book- the extremes of the books chosen make me laugh!

Finally we went on our first stroller ride! It was a long walk (and mom feels quite out of shape!) and Cori slept through most of it.

As soon as we got home, she woke up (the motion stopped) and has been fussing ever since. Sigh..... So I'll cut this short. If you happen to roll over at 3AM tonight, think of us! We'll no doubt be up!

2 weeks already!

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since Cori was born. She is already 9lbs (as of her doctor's appt this past week) and eating like a champ. I **think** (knock on wood) she has righted her days & nights - she's been more alert during the days and sleeping better at night. The real test (for mom) will be when Dave goes back to work on Tuesday and I have to take all the night shifts (we currently split them). I foresee more naps during the day than what I'm doing now (none to one right now).

Here's a picture of her in her vibrating chair. She loves motion and vibrations.

Many people have asked how breast feeding is going, so I'm updating here. It never went well, and after a lot of thought I decided to not attempt it again and instead just exclusively pump. So she gets bottled breast milk. After meeting with two different lactation consultants for a total of 6 times, the confirmed that while I'm doing everything as correct as can be, Corinne just is very impatient at the breast. She won't latch, and she won't calm down even if milk is ejected right into her mouth. She would get so worked up that she couldn't calm down, which lead to a very frustrated and unnerved mom, and it was pretty much a terrible experience for both of us.

Then you factor in the fact that she was dehydrated from not getting enough to eat, and I just can't risk it again. Doing the exclusively pumping way, I can give her breast milk and all the benefits, but also make sure she is consuming enough since we can measure the amounts. Plus, Dad and others get to feed her which everyone loves. It's twice the work in a way - I still have to prep and clean bottles every 3 hrs and also take the 20 mins or so to express the milk. But as long as she is healthy and happy, this is the route we're going for now.

I give credit to those women who are able to successfully breastfeed - it truly is a lot of work and a learning experience for both mom and baby. But sometimes it doesn't work out, no matter how many times you try or no matter how hard you try. I think I'm done beating myself up about it and have moved past it (whew). Besides, with the super easy labor I had, I guess I can't have it all and have an easy time breastfeeding too huh?!

For those moms out there, any recommendations for a baby carrier (like a Maya wrap or ring sling)? With Dave going back to work and it just being me and Corinne, I'd like to be a bit more mobile with her. I'd welcome any opinions on what worked for you.

Pictures!

Thought we'd add some pictures of Corinne. Things are going pretty well - she's in the midst of her 7-10 day growth spurt which means she is slightly fussier and wants to eat more frequently. But she's healthy and that is all that counts! She also has her days and nights confused which spells trouble for us from 1-6 AM when she is as alert as can be. (We're trying to sleep during the day when she is zonked out, but it's hard when you're awake and not tired!)

Here's her picture from the hospital. She's changed a lot already and isn't as swollen:

And here are a few of her at home - 1 week old:

She is doing this really cute smile thing when she drifts into sleep - it's totally involuntary but that's okay - it's so cute to see! Her jaundice is just about gone and we've had a few visits from family. As we get a bit more comfortable, we'll be having more visits I'm sure.

Oh, and by the way, we're happy to announce that the winner of the baby shower guessing game is Lisa B! It was a close call between Lisa and Kelly- both guessed a girl on May 26th (the closest guess) but Lisa was closer with her weight guess of 8lb 8 oz than Kelly's 7lb 10 oz. She'll be soon receiving her Chili's gift certificates!!

Home from Children's Hospital

As you may have guessed from the lack of updates (or maybe you just thought it was because we're sleep deprived and busy - which is true too)... Corinne was admitted to Children's Hospital for jaundice. She was also found to be very dehydrated. It's been a crazy 2 days and we've been pushed to our limit mentally and physically.

The important news is that our little girl is home now and better and we're looking forward to finally getting to bond and have quality time together.

Someone wants lunch so I best get going. Will update more soon - thanks for all the love & support!

We're Home - sort of

Hope it doesn't seem too impersonal to update people this way - things are a little hectic as you might've guessed. We got home yesterday and made it through night #1. We aren't without hiccups in things though. Early Monday morning at the hospital the resident came in to say that blood work showed Corinne had jaundice and they wanted to start treating it with an electric light blanket. (a bili blanket as they are called) They tested her level again Monday at noon and we were allowed to all go home, but Corinne has to wear this blanket all the time.

We saw her pediatrician today as directed and got another blood test - unfortunately we found out that her levels are elevated to the point that they are starting to be concerned. We go for another blood test tomorrow and based on how it turns out, she may be admitted to Children's Hospital or Magee again for more intensive light treatment.

Jaundice is common with newborns and esp. so with ones who breast feeding isn't going as well as could be (which is us, and we're making strides so thank goodness for that). We feel the jaundice is due to a hematoma (bruise under her bones) on her head - she was shoved up against my pelvic bone for a while in utero and then the trauma of delivery can cause bruising. It makes red blood cells accumulate in the blood and secrete a compound called biliruben (which is what they are measuring with these tests). The blanket lights help the liver and kidneys get rid of the biliruben.

So while it's common to the pediatric world, to us we're a bit freaked out. Okay, I am a sobbing mess and Dave is my rock. (He's been so great with things!! It's hard to love him more but I do!) We just want our angel to be okay and get past this. With the sleep deprivation and that fact that it looks like a bomb of beautiful gifts and cards and flowers went off in our house (we are so loved it is unbelievable!) , we'd like to move onto just staring into her big blue eyes and not having to worry as much.

So that's it - sorry we've not been able to return calls or make calls or return emails really. We'll update when we can. Love to all!

Our angel is here!!!!

Today is her birthday - Miss Corinne Elise came into the world at 10:02 AM on Saturday May 24th (a little early, just like her mom!)

My water broke at 4 AM and I had my first contraction at 4:35 AM. We got to the hospital around 5AM and were admitted. I got my epidural around 7 AM which was WONDERFUL!!!! (Man I don't know how women do it without it). It was a world of difference much to my relief and Dave's relief too!

Things happened fast since I was "complete" and ready to push at 9:30. She arrived at 10:02 - so not too bad at all! She was 8lbs, 14oz and 20.5 inches long. She has a ton of blonde hair and big blue eyes.

We are both just so in love with her! Breastfeeding is a little scary and isn't going as well as we'd like, but we're fighting the good fight and will get there in time. Part of it still seems so surreal!! Best get going - love to all!

May 28th it is!!!

Induction set!!!

Unless I go on my own, we're to report next Wednesday morning to be induced. Sweet relief!

Of course I realize that now that we have some time and things to do, he or she may most likely come sooner than next Wednesday!

Oh, and people have asked for correct spellings and such. Peanut will either be:

Benjamin Robert

or

Corinne Elise

2 letter word for "anxious" = ME!

Seriously, if you look up the word "anxious" in wickipedia, you'll see my picture.

The good news is no preeclampsia.

The bad news means no induction this week.

So I'll be induced next Wednesday or Friday if I don't go on my own prior. Which is just crazy. I'm now 5cm dilated (that's half way!) and almost fully thinned out. Yet this kid is as stubborn as a mule and will not come out (I have no idea where s/he gets that from). I've had zero contractions. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Suggestions for how to serve this kid his or her eviction notice are appreciated. I'm miserable with being swollen everywhere and feeling so huge I can't move.